Xmas Eve and my Brother-In-Law & I decide to chop down a tree. But it wasn't for the sake of our manhoods... rather out of perceived necessity.
You see, I'm in NC. If you have been paying attention, then you knew this already. And if you passed middle school Social Studies, then you can surmise that there are lots of pine trees in NC. Then you can take it one step further and infer that people would be living in close proximity to at least one pine tree.
In this case.... there were 3 in the back yard. One was struck by lightening. Ali, my Brother-in-law, said the tree was dead and had to be cut down. Naturally, me being a wood chopping kind of guy, was all too happy to help. So I go through the list of things we need to do this safely and successfully.
- Chain saw ....................check
- Goggles .........................no...?? Ok then... moving on
- Gloves ..........................no...?? Of course not. What was I thinking? Because I really love bubbles under my epidermis!
- Wedge ..........................check (at least something)
- Rope ............................What... no rope? Am I really surprised?
- Axe ............................ A camp axe...? Are you serious? (sigh)
- Mallet .........................Finally... a manly tool!
Ok then. Lets get started. We plan the demise of the ill-fated, Zeus-targeted pine tree. Yeah, it should fall right about here.
Ali heads to the garage to bring out the chain saw. Now we are in business! I start clearing the yard for the felling path. There's something about cutting wood that makes me feel all manly! (Oh shut-up!)
Ali is on his way back and pulls the chain saw out of the box.... uh.... dude.... "You're kidding, right?" I thought. The first thing I see is a plug. Bad sign. Next emerges the grip and trigger followed by a 16" bar with a dull chain. This ain't a chain saw, man..... its a glorified hedge trimmer! I foresee manual labor.
Ali is rather proud of this chain saw. Ok... if he insists. So he starts cutting into the tree. I whistle trying to stop him. I thought I might tell him to start cutting from the back first so if the tree should fall prematurely, it would fall the way we wanted to. But he was quite into the cutting so I just watched. He worked his way about half way through. He pulled out the saw (if you want to call it that) and started on the angle for the wedge. About a quarter of the way through the chain saw quits. Oh dear... I never saw that coming!
After about an hour of tinkering w/ it, Ali discovered that the teeth (plastic, mind you) were all stripped away from the fly wheel. So the gears (metal) were spinning freely. I was afraid to look to see where the chain saw was made. You're probably thinking it too.
While he was messing with that I proceeded to start cutting with a hand saw. Imaging this for a second.... Ali is a carpenter and didn't even have a reciprocating saw. (well, not available, anyway) Sheesh. And I can really see myself cutting down a 40 foot pine tree w/ a camp axe!So I used the axe as a wedge and started whacking it with the maul. The axe was fully embedded but the tree wasn't moving.
So Ali starts plans to cut some more wedges so we can hammer them in one at a time and force the tree over. So while he's getting that ready I continue with the hand saw. It was right about this time that the Wind Gods decide to amuse themselves with a little game of Let's see what happens when ....."
Ok, so I'm sawing away and making good progress. I figure the tree will fall after the 1st wedge or two are driven in. But, I was wrong....
The tree started falling before Ali even plugged the saw in to cut out the fargon wedges! Small problem, though..... um.... Ali....
Timberrrrrrrrr......Crash....... Oops!
Ok... it could have been worse. At least it didn't fall on Our house.
Or anyone else's for that matter. But it did take out a fence & crashed about 3 feet short of the neighbors patio. Whew!
Before we even started I told my sister and niece to be recording this on video. This could have been a classic blunder that might have landed us a spot on one of those funny video shows. You Tube for sure!
Of all the wrong ways for this thing to fall, it picked the path of least destruction. Seriously. A couple degrees either way, there would have been more undesirable collateral damage. If my brain would have been running even at half capacity, I would have taken a few pictures. But I didn't even think to. Maybe I can still take a shot tomorrow of the fence and the size of the tree to give you an idea. But the drama will be poorly represented. Oh well. Sorry!
So Ali & I cut the trunk to more manageable sized chunks and cleared the neighbor's yard. He patched the hole in the fence until he can replace the broken part. The fence was ours anyway. The only casualties the neighbor suffered were a couple small branches from one of their trees. Disaster averted!
So it was a mildly eventful Xmas Eve. I hope your Xmas went a little more according to plan!
Be well
... and too all a good night!
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