Seeking Catharsis

I'm irked right now. I'm actually more than just irked... I'm also livid. I am utterly pissed off... seething on the inside. But the funny thing is that I'm more irritated than angry b/c I was planning on writing about hanging out with my friend on Saturday, but now this event occured and is at the forefront of my mind. This event is what pissed me off, but I'm more irritated b/c I have to make adjustments to what I planned on writing.

How weird is that? So instead of seeking catharsis, I'm annoyed at having to figure out how to approach this post. Go figure...

There must be a certain word my kind of messed up! :-)

Ok... so I sat on it a while. I ate. I took a call. Watched a few music videos and I'm no longer actively pissed off... just still angry... but calm.

So what the hell happened....??? You may ask...

Not really a big deal when you look at the big picture. I had a portable hard drive stolen in my classroom. It isn't as though it was my life's work... my validation for being... nothing like that. It was just all my school stuff.... you know.... videos, lesson plans, assignments.... stuff like that. I only had about 20 gigs of stuff on it. The drive itself is nothing special, although it was about $60 for 60 gigs. But I've wasted more money on lap dances inside of 20 minutes. So there is the perspective. Not a big deal.... until I think of the sheer and utter perversion of a human that steals.

I hate thieves.

I haven't had any experience with murderers .... but I think I still hate thieves more. I'm not minimizing other crimes, just focusing on my loathing of those that take from others. I don't know if its good or not that I never caught anyone "in the act". I honestly don't know how I'd respond. If I came home to find a burglar in my house..... lord help that poor s.o.b....

Its during times like this I ponder the capacity of man to harm another man. Even kill. What does it take to take a life? What does it take to beat someone without regard. Is that a quality to envy, loath, respect, abhore, admire.... what? How do I view that ability? Let's be clear... I'm in no way saying that is a good thing for someone to be able to do that. I'm just wondering about the capacity to perform those acts. The truth is that no one can know what it takes until they are there. I don't imagine myself any differently.

So let's walk through this scenario... let's see where this takes me.....

... you know what... I'd rather not. At least not now. I tend to do that sometimes... that is to imagine scenarios and think how I'd respond. I believe that on some level that helps me make snap decisions if that situation should ever arise. But I've mellowed out for the evening. I don't need to get myself worked up again. :-)

I guess I'll just report the little bastard to the campus cops tomorrow and see what happens. I know who it was. The hard part is deciding how to treat the kid. I've thought of pinning him in the stall of the boys bathroom and scaring the bujeezus out of him... or just following him from class to class annoying the crap out of him. Or maybe announcing his name to every class as a thief and to watch him at all times... that kind of thing... yeah, you know... that fervent quest for catharsis.

But there is a theoretical catch.... maybe you don't know this... maybe you do... but anyway... the catch is that (supposedly) catharsis doesn't provide its intended function. That is to say, in theory, catharsis does not work.

Well, I still would like the opportunity to find that out for myself. :-)

Be well

Stephan