Elusive Virtues

I did it again. I gave myself an emotional cleansing... a bath, if you will.

I watched Dragonheart tonight. It had been a while since my last viewing. I'm still moved by it. Call me a kid, call me a lush, call me what you will... I cry every time. Every time. And tonight was no exception.

I was having this conversation today with one of my friends where we were comparing TV shows and characters. She mentioned that she learns something about herself through certain characters. She realized something on a conscious level that escapes many people. That is to say that we frequently learn about ourselves via watching others.

We see things in others that we either see in ourselves (usually good or amusing traits) or things in others that we wish to be (usually more noble or virtuous traits). This human attribute is no more evident to me than it is in one of my all time favorite characters from one of my all time TV programs... Benton Fraser of Due South.

A quick overview for those of you whose eyebrows are quizzically furrowed right about now...

Due South is (was) about a Canadian Mountie (RCMP) that was assigned to Chicago as a profesional liaison to the Chicago PD. This occurred after his father, also a mountie, was murdered. Basically, this was the RCMPs way of getting Fraser out of their hair without firing him. You see, Fraser is basically perfect... well, not literally, but you get the idea. Just picture a guy that actually lives and breathes every imaginable virtue, and then some more. So he helps his Chicago PD partner, Ray Vecchio, solve crimes. And he does this unconventionally at times. He uses all his skills that might otherwise be construed as ridiculous by the casual observer. Can you describe the difference between a clang and a clank in 15 seconds or less and do so using proper grammar? He can. This is a guy that can sniff a fire hydrant and tell you the breed of dog that peed on it and how long ago! He will be pursuing a purse snatcher down a busy sidewalk and stops to open a random door for a lady, tips his hat, greets her, wishes her a nice day, then continues the pursuit. You get the idea? All the while, on the side, Fraser is piecing together his fathers murder case. By the way, I haven't even mentioned his deaf wolf, Diefenbaker. (spelling?)

Ok... so that's the jist. It only lasted 3 seasons. Didn't have a huge fan base outside Canada. But I fell in love with it. The music was really (surprisinlgy) good for a little known TV show. This aired about the early 90s... about the time Eary Edition was on, if you recall that one.

Anyway..... I go on about all this because it illustrates my second point from earlier... how we see traits in other people that we wish we could possess. This guy is the definitive Jack-of-all-Trades. Outdoor savy, well groomed, handsome, courteous, intelligent, an eloquant orator, selfless, honest..... and so on.

Aren't these all the things we are taught to be as kids? Then why is it that he is so different from all the rest of us, aside from the obvious answer (because its scripted...duh) :-) Yeah, yeah, but here is the question that comes to me.... Why CAN'T we be like that? Or at least strive to approach that? Have you noticed that quote on the left side of this blog... close to the top, just above the Dog Lovers Corner.... My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.

Think about it.

Sooooo... after all that..... Dragonheart reminds me of all those virtues that we are taught to maintain and uphold. It reminds me that I slip sometimes. It reminds me of how I want to be.
Along the same thread... there is another line from a TV show that is apropos here... from the TV show Angel. There is a scene where Angel tells his son why he does the things he does, despite the cost and apparent uselessness of it all... it goes something like this...



Let it sink in a minute.

Yes, these programs are out there for our viewing pleasure and entertainment. But if you, as the audience, allow yourself to get into the program.... you can glean lessons to live by from some of them.

So now for the fun part... some video clips for your viewing pleasure, my friends.
Be virtuous.
Be well.

We're Gonna Be OK

Its inevitable.

Live on the South Texas coast long enough, you have to deal with mad rushes to the gas station, grocery store, home improvement store, oh yeah... and deciding....

Imagine certain songs in your mind as you read this...

Do I stay or do I go now.... da da - da da- da da - daa..... there's a storm out in the gulf now..... da da - da da- da da - daa.....

Yup... Here we go again (I feel an 80s montage coming on) so I ran, I ran so far away, I just ran, because I wouldn't stay..... (is this corny yet?).... If you leave, don't leave now and wake me up before you go go. You won't catch me sitting at the dock of the bay as long as this wheel in the sky keeps on turning. (Somebody stop me!) People all around me are leaving. Hey, sister Christian, you're motorin', suddenly I think I'm alone now. Maybe I can make it to Amarillo by morning, or at least Luckenbach, Texas. Ah, the heck with it, I think I'll just relax and chill in Margaritaville. When the lights go out in ...er... Texas, I'll be running with the shadows of the night and don't you forget about me while I'm still here livin' on a prayer. If the storm does come its gonna be La Isla (not so) Bonita (where do I get this stuff?)

So I tried to go to bed around 9:00. That didn't work out too well. 4 phone calls in 40 minutes.
I guess I shouldn't complain. People are thinking of me sitting in a humble dwelling sitting about 15' above sea level at a mere 1,000' from the water's edge... yikes! I might have to take my Kayak to HEB on Sunday. On the bright side, I won't have to water the lawn until February.
That takes xeriscaping to a whole new level.

Ok, with that out of the way... hurricanes are no laughing matter. Let's take a moment to reflect on those less fortunate than ourselves. I truly am blessed, and sometimes I, like so many others, need to be reminded of how small we really are.

Be careful out there, friends. Its a big world, and sometimes it is out to get us!



Be well.

Its been a while.
I haven't taken the time to slow down long enough to write a new post. Even now, I'm still distracted thinking about other things that I should be doing. For instance, grading papers.
Yeah, that means school started again. Now that I'm back in "teacher" mode, my blissful freedom of a summer vacation is now another 270 (or so) days off in the future. I can't see it yet, but its there.

These past 2 weeks are almost a blur. (and now the phone rings)...
See what I mean about distractions :-)

So where was I? Apparently not too far along :-)

All is well on the homefront. The critters are doing well, which reminds me... Some time ago I mentioned that I was going to do a little expose on Tibet & Pete. You know about Talbot already. And, by the way, he is doing well :-)

But before I embark upon those tales, I will have to dig through my photo albums to find pictures of them. I have a few puppy pics of Tibet, but none really of Pete since he was already 6 months old when he came to me. But I do have pictures where his youthful exuberance is quite evident. It still is, actually. After all, he is only 5 years old. He is still young and he acts like it too. Tibet, on the other hand, is like the old maid. She is also 5.... about 2 months Pete's junior. But you'd think she was 10. She has this matriarchal (er...ness) about her. She is who I affectionatley refer to as the guardian. She is that. She wants to be a lap dog. But at 55ish lbs, I think not! Despite her role as the packs guardian, Talbot won't let her forget that she is not too old to play. And do they play! It is quite amusing, really. They have this black Kong bone that looks like a few grenades exploded next to it, but it is still in tact, albeit, quite chewed up. Tibet is also the most vocal of the bunch. She is the most assertive too. I might be lying on my bed when she will approach and announce her arrival with a friendly little head butt to my arm or whatever body part is conveniently close to the edge of the bed. So I dutifully give her a little scratch and she wanders off again. Then Talbot decides he wants some attention too. So instead of the head butt, he opts for the panting in my face approach. I'm not sure which gets my attention more effectively, the head butt, or the heated canine breath swirling into my nostrils. Either way... a little scratch behind the ears is due.
By the time Talbot is satisfied, Tibet is already on her way back. I'm sure in her mind there is some kind of a "reset" button that justifies a new head scratch every 90 seconds or so when she walks off. I hear her claws on the floor as she exits the bedroom, does a lap around the living room and the halls, then returns for the next head butt. Does she not realize that she was just there 90 seconds ago?

All the while, Pete just kind of lays there watching the tag-team with Tibet and Talbot vying for a head scratch. After about the 3rd round, he decides to get in on the action. Only Pete's approach is more dramatic. His approach is harkened by the knocks on the wall and furniture as his swaying (remember the weapon?) tail approaches. Honestly, folks, I'm still amazed that more things don't get knocked off tables or broken. He literally clears a path behind him as his lumbering 85 lb frame & 200 lb tail make their rounds! Pete has the advantage of being able reach his head about 12 inches over the bed to let me know he is there. And having a tongue almost as long as a giraffes enable him to reach another 12 inches. I'm not safe. Even if I had a King size bed (which I don't) I would have to make myself as slim as possible (which would be quite the feat given the girth of my ass alone) in the middle of the bed just to escape his reach!

But what can I say? Who am I to deny affection to those who bring so much to my life? When I have my dogs and my cat around, its as though all is right with the world! Well, at least in my little corner of it!

Be well

Wow!  That about sums it up for me.  Wow!

Did you ever see the movie "Powder"?  If you have, then watch it again real soon.  I had not watched it since it was released.  I loved it then.  But it became one of those movies that I remember liking a lot, but not enough about it to think much on it.  Recently I started thinking on  it again.  Maybe because of my recent thoughtfulness.  You know, that stuff people go through every once in a while when they take stock of their lives and decide if they've amounted to much of anything?   Yeah, I've been doing that for the better part of the last year or two.  

I become real soul-full & thoughtful at times.  I think about what people do to each other and even to themselves.  I wonder if the world really is in balance.  With so much pain, there must be a whole lot of bliss.  But we must choose to see it.  That is the problem.  Pain is glamorous.  Bliss isn't.  There's a thought for you.  Pain is glamorous.  I guess that was made evident during gladiatorial competitions.  That tradition has found its way into modern culture too.  Boxing, pit fighting, cock fights.... if it involves pain, blood, violence, or anguish it becomes desireable, therefore glamorous.  Sickening, really, but true.  

So I watched Powder.  What a beautiful story.  Do you remember the story?  Do you remember the  message?  Here's a hint:

What a wonderful concept.  Its so simple yet so difficult to comprehend.  

I have this idea about people.  Yeah, that's us.  (Civilized) People have this inherent desire to be noticed as an individual.  We struggle to be disassociated from others.  Yet at the same time, we yearn to belong to others like us... or more precisely, we yearn to be more like others that we like.  

Is it so hard to accept that we are all connected?  Is it so so hard to release the pressure of learned mores that dictate what our opinions should be?  People can't seem to come to terms with the thought that they (you) can still be an individual, but as a part of something huge and fantastic!  Like an engine (if you'll pardon the over-simplified analogy) an engine serves a single function as a singular unit, but relies on a myriad of individual parts to do the job.  Of course, then you run into some yutz that wants to be the generator, or the fuel pump. They get so caught up in their individuality  that they try make themselves more important than the other parts.  They lose sight of the big picture.  

I'm reminded of a scene in the TV series, "Firefly".  One of my all time favorite shows, by the way.  In the episode "Out of Gas" Capt. Mal Reynolds sends his crew off the ship because she, Serenity, is broken and not producing O2.   The culprit turned out to be this small part (I don't recall what it was) but it was a simple fix, really.  But he needed the part.  Well, another ship picks up the distress signal and comes to Serenity.  As it turns out, they have the part Mal needs.  When Mal told the other guy what he needed, the visiting Capt. said, "That's a nothing part."  And Mal replied, "It is till you ain't got one."  

So anyway, that's the point.  There's no such thing as a nothing part.  (Except maybe for the appendix.  People are still figuring on that one.)  

We are  all connected, my friends.  Like it or not.  Believe it or not.  But sometimes it takes something like Powder to remind us.  

Here is a parting shot of the movie that inspired this post, and inspired me to remember that there is balance out there.  I just need to choose to see it!

Thanks for tuning in again!  I appreciate it.

Be well

Din of Drums

Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if no one judged? How would things be different? If we didn't spend so much time assessing our place in the world based on the judgments others made of us, what would we think about, if not that? How would we treat each other, if not under scrutiny?

Would we be free?

"Free of what?", one might ask.

The answer... judgment.

Would "happiness" be redefined? Perhaps new parameters for happiness would be set.

"Happiness is only real when shared." is what Chris J. McCandess (bka Alex Supertramp) scribbled in a book as he lay dying in his "Magic Bus". Chris was dying a slow death from poisoning. He mistakingly ate toxic plants that soon claimed his life. And I guess he came to his conclusion when he realized he was dying alone. Sad. Very sad.

Recently I watched "Into the Wild". My friend is going to loan the book to me. But the film got me to thinking. I think Alex's story is a portrayal of what many, nay, most.... well, almost all of us struggle with, but don't necessarily know it. We are running from something and running toward another. But what? Do we know? Do you know? Do I know?

I have an idea of what I'm running toward. Freedom. More specifically, freedom of socially induced anxiety. This anxiety manifests in many different ways. But all of it stems from internal conflict. (I hear Freud knocking on my door). As much as he's mocked, he was on to something that harkens back to the very cores of our being. But he wasn't alone. Others soon realized that as people develop, social influences shape our view of the world around us and our role in it.

Hence, the birth of behaviorism. Stage theorists operated under the same principle, but used different frameworks to convey their ideas. The binding concept is that for a person to develop in a healthy fashion, they had to negotiate a series of obstacles placed before them by society. If a person was unable to complete a "stage" successfully, conflict emerged. So the human animal has 2 choices... resolve the conflict or avoid it. Therein lie the complexities of behavior.

What Goldstein & Maslow called self actualization, Buddhists call enlightenment. Same thing, really. Different framework. I'm no expert on Buddism, but the principle applies.

In Alex's case, he was trying to free himself from socially imposed standards and expectations. He was just trying to.... be. But it came at a price. He was continuously haunted by internal strife stemming from conflicting thoughts and emotions. His conflict was between what he wanted to become and what his (our) world expected of him.

You know that expression about people that tend to do their own thing... marching to the beat of a different drum? I wonder if those people ever figure out who the drummer is. How many of them beat their own drum? Each culture has its own beat... its own drum. And since people define what the culture is, wouldn't it be reasonable to assume that each person could have their own drum, and subsequently, their own rhythm?

So we struggle. Amidst the din of drums, we have to decide if we want to step into the rhythm of one or learn to play the drum.

Find your drum.

Be well

Stephan

They are back home now. North Carolina, that is. My mother & niece left Thursday morning. They got home about 7:30PM Friday, EST. It was a good visit. We played cards and I got to spend a lot of time w/ my niece. She's way cooler than I was at 13. I was such a dork, but I was too dumb to realize :-) I guess that was probably a good thing.

I think its safe to say we did some bonding. She isn't quite as reclusive as I thought she was. And I'm not quite the boring uncle she thought I was. (not that she ever said I was boring) but there were some things about me that surprised her... at least a little bit! Let's see if I can recall the things she experienced with me that were new to her....

• went kayaking in the surf and in the flats
• sea shell combing on an uninhabited (by humanoid bipeds) island
• refurbished a dog house and got to operate power tools (the cool kind that make sparks fly)
• shared a lot of music
• went to a drum circle and got to see some belly dancing (watched her uncle beating on a drum, not belly dance!)
• drank Kiwi-Strawberry slushes
• fired a rifle (just kidding Mom) LOL
• watched The Breakfast Club
• oh yeah, and talked!

Not bad for a 12 day stint.

It was a pretty cool feeling when we were listening to some of my music and she asked what song that was or who sings that... I guess the old guy has some taste, after all, huh?

One of the songs that she liked was by Michelle Branch, "Goodbye To You". I told her my favorite version of the song was in an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Tabula Rasa for you Buffy fans). We didn't get around to watching it, but I found it on You Tube. See it here...

Its one of my all time favorite musical performances. This was actually when I was first turned on to Michelle Branch. There are a few performances that strike a chord deep within me. I will share some more in the near future.
As I'm listening to this song, I think of this summer. It has been a fantastic summer for me. Many good things happened. Not the least of which was hanging out with my niece.

Last year I told myself that I was going to spend more time at the beach this summer. And I have been. I think I have been to the beach more these past 2 months than I have in the last 5 years. I have the tan to prove it :-)

So how about a quick recap of this summer...

• went to beach... a lot
• kayaked often
• helped my mother and family move into new home
• hung out with some really amazing people that I now call friends
• learned about blogging
• started a meditation journal (but I still suck at it)
• apologized to some dear friends for missing their wedding
• discovered fruit slushes
• didn't gain any weight
• passed the state credentialing exam for Secondary Social Studies and received the certificate
• did some refurnishing at my house
• was reconnected with a long time friend
• spent quality time with my niece
• and got to know two people a whole lot better... my dad and myself

Speaking of myself, I had another good thing happen... I got hired on at King High School where I have been a wrestling coach for the past 2 years. Now I'll be working at that school too!

But the summer isn't quite over yet. Tomorrow a couple friends and I will be kayaking around down town. We are planning on paddling around the Lexington.

On a final note for tonight... I thought I'd follow up on my own little music video. Laura & Micah saw my post and of course the video with it. Apparently I have been forgiven for missing their wedding. :-) We are planning for me to visit them in the near future. I look fwd to that with great enthusiasm! I miss them. After all, they are good peeps!

Thanks again for reading.

Be well

Friendships, Now & Then... and Now Again

Here I am plunked down in front of my laptop sitting in my garage watching sweat beads roll down the side of my water glass. My own sweat has long since evaporated, courtesy of an oscillating air pusher. I spent another day (4th in a row) working in the yard with my niece. We refurbished the dog house. I think the renovations cost more than the original house! But what are you going to do? We did it up better this time, paint and all. With a 13 year old girl helping out, the house had to have colors. Blue was a must. She insisted. It stands out in the yard now. It used to humbly blend in to the background. Now it says "Pow! Look at me, I'm a colorful canine palace!" At 20 sq. ft. it is palatial, as far as pooch pads go. But I like it. It turned out nice. Now we'll have to wait and see if the new roof holds up. I'll know after the next tropical storm.

As for today's musings.... friends. For the past week or so I have been thinking a lot of my friends. Past & present. Those I'm close with now, and those that betrayed me some time ago. Then I thought of those I had lost touch with. Too many for comfort. Why do we do that?

I received a message on my Facebook account from one of those old friends. One that moved and then got married, started a family... you know, did all those grown up things. I had lost touch with her because of an ex-girlfriend. Well, my old friend found me! I was thrilled. So now we are in touch again. Cool. Very cool! A visit will be scheduled soon. :-)

But I digress... I have been thinking a lot of two particular friends, Micah & Laura. They are a young couple that were recently married. Therein lies the root of my recent reminiscence. (alliteration not intended) We've been friends for about 5 years or so. Maybe 6. It doesn't seem like it. I met Micah almost by accident. I say almost, because he was a last minute stand-in at a fund raiser to which his boss was invited. His boss sent Micah in his stead. Good call, if you ask me. Soon thereafter I met Micah's (then) girlfriend, Laura. As mentioned, they are married now. I used to tease them about that. I would tell them to hurry up and tie the knot already. They are as close to a perfect couple as I've ever seen. Of course, they might disagree, but they are humble that way. Good peeps! They are 2 of my favorite people in the world. So why am I going on about all this..... ??? Because I feel like I let them down. Yeah, I flaked at their wedding. Shame on me, I know. Especially after all the hype about getting married. I actually scribbled a message on the back of the RSVP, "I wouldn't miss it for the world.", I wrote. Oh boy.

I let personal issues get in the way and I missed the wedding. True bummer. Hence, my feelings of disappointment. Pretty easy to see why. To this day I have not called them. How much do I suck?

However, communication has been forthcoming via the digital medium. It was Micah & Laura that initiated it. Bless them. Of course the guilt rolled right in. It was there all along, but now I was faced with it. I know they won't shun me or call me bad names or anything. Like I said, they are good peeps. They are understanding and forgiving. I know this... in my head. But my heart still hurts when I think about it. Its just one of those things I will have to remedy, isn't it?

So here I go... the first step in remedying (is that a word?) my absent friendship. Are you ready for this? Oh boy... ok, here goes. (And to think I'm doing this publicly.)

I was planning on doing something kind of special at their wedding. They had no clue, in fact they won't until they see this post. It was a well kept secret. I think I only told one person... maybe 2. The plan was for me to sing a song for them. (YIKES... anyone who has heard me sing is probably rifling through their miscellaneous kitchen drawer right about now looking for ear plugs.) But I wanted to. The anxiety of that performance probably had more to do with my absence than I care to admit... but anyway, here is the next best thing... a video (I foresee snowballs in hell). The video is a little older, but its the song I wanted to dedicate to Micah & Laura at their wedding. Is my flakiness growing? But I had to do this. I had to get this out.

So, if you dare, watch the video and marvel at my lack of musical talent! But its OK. You can laugh... this time! :-) (Richard, I can hear you!)

As for you, Micah & Laura... this is love, baby! If I didn't love you, I wouldn't do this!

Best (belated) wishes to the newlyweds... from your lost friend!



There you have it, my friends.

Be well
Stephan