Just for you, babe... Happy (what would have been) six months

Yeah, it was 6 months ago today that she & I met. I started to fall in love almost right away.
What a day it was, too! I wouldn't trade it for anything. Such promise was laid out before us... such potential.

But I didn't see the whole picture. I mean, who ever does when your heart is all a-flutter?
The other side of that coin is there was also promise and potential for difficulty and pain as well. I didn't see that part. I was just too blown away by this incredible woman that was interested in me! Tremendous excitement!! I loved every minute of it.

It might seem like I'm dwelling. Maybe I am.... but truthfully, I'm not having as hard a time today as I thought I would. I was anticipating worse. I must admit having to struggle with myself today.... fighting against the urge to call her... or email her just to say,

"Happy what would have been six months anniversary, baby!"

But I didn't. I was hoping that maybe she would remember what today is and call me. Or at least text me. Do you think she remembers today? I'd like to think so. But then again... I really can't figure anything on this woman.

Many people would laugh or at least chuckle at my monologue. How silly it must appear that a 42 year old guy going about about a 3 month relationship. "Move on, dude." Yeah maybe... but I choose to commemorate. And I will again when it has been a year because that relationship was THAT significant to me. Even if I meet a magnificent woman tomorrow and fall in love all over again, I will still remember her and acknowledge what she meant to me.... even if it was only 3 months. So I say to you that may ostracize me.... I will always honor those that made me better, whether through pain or through bliss. Nod your head and say "Aye!" if you agree.

Besides, its not that simple to just forget that day anyway. The universe... or God... or Allah... or Jehovah..... or the Great Spirit...... or whoever.... made it a point today to make sure that I didn't forget.

Oh yeah! Something really really weird happened today.... and of all days it was today.... on the 6 month anniversary. I couldn't have scripted this any better. If someone had told me this happened to them I would be reluctant to believe them.... but sometimes stuff like this happens to me.
So you wanna know what happened, do ya...?? This will help explain why it was such a struggle for me NOT to call her.

Let me explain a little piece of our history to set the scene....

Without going into any great detail, I'll hit the point in a hurry.

On our first date... March 20, 2010, the Vernal Equinox, no less... you know... 1st day of Spring... new life springing forth and all that jazz... yeah, new love for me too... but I digress....
On that day we met for coffee at 11:00AM at a local coffee shop. We hit it off and get carried away in conversation. 4 hours later.... yes... 4 hours later neither of us wants the date to end so we agree to take a short break to tend to our dogs at home and then meet in about an hour at the movie theater.
Upon my arriving at the theater I discovered that I had a flat. How embarrassing! But at least I wasn't picking her up. So we watched the movie, Avatar. After that she pulled her car around to my truck and aired up my flat tire for me. That's right... she did. She had one of those emergency compressors that will also jump your battery if needed. Handy thing to have. I offered to do it but she insisted that I just let her. Ok, then... so she aired up my tire enough for me to get to a store to buy one of those cans that airs up your tire long enough to get the flat fixed.
After a late dinner and an 11 and a half hour date we said good night. The next day I took my truck in and had the flat mended.

Ok, great story, huh!? Yeah... here's the weird part....

I got a flat today.

Yup... 6 months later... to the day, mind you, I got a flat. Who would ever imagine that? So how in the hell can I NOT think about that day 6 months ago!? It sure makes a compelling argument for those that believe in fate... or providence.... or divine intervention... or whatever. Don't you think? Crazy!

And yet, I refrained from calling, emailing, or texting her. But I sure wanted to. Even if I did and I told her what happened, I doubt she'd believe it. I doubt I'd believe it!

Well, folks.... that's my story for today. I'm a little sad that I let something so magical go. But it wasn't all me. But I'm surprised that I'm doing as well as I am. So no, I'm not dwelling, my friends... certainly not wallowing. Just commemorating!

Have a great Tuesday, all!
Be well.

Ah, 7 miles today... in the rain!

Yes, we have rain... lots of it.
I always love the rain. I love rainy weather, especially on the weekend. One of my favorite things is to hang out on the couch with my girlfriend and lazily listen to the pattering of the rain on the roof. Oh wait... can't do that now... Too bad, I guess. Just one of the things I miss about being in a relationship. Its ok, though.... there will be another.... some day.

I had a great time yesterday hanging out with my friends playing board games. It ended up being an all day affair. If you enjoy playing board games with friends, raise your hand and say "I wanna play!" Now look around to make sure no one saw you :-)

The rain has been (almost) unrelenting today. It was slow enough this morning for me to go run.
I took Friday and Saturday off from running. This was the first time since I started running regularly that I took 2 consecutive days off. In an effort to make up for some of that I ran 7 miles today. The rain was light when I started. There was a brief period where it picked up considerably, but then it let up again. All in all I ran for about an hour and 10 minutes. But it was good.

Earlier this afternoon I took Talbot (one of my dogs in case you forgot) to the groomers for his appointment. The rain was heavy at the time and my street was literally covered with a sheet of water about 2 inches deep. So I made my way to Petsmart with Talbot. I had no trouble getting him in the truck. Getting him out was another story. As I was driving I suddenly got a small shower of rain inside my truck. I thought I left a window open, but Talbot decided it was a good time to shake the excess water off his coat. I never thought I'd need my umbrella inside the truck! hehe. As we arrived, after some creative maneuvering through the flooded parking lot at Moore Plaza, we learned that the store was closing on account of the access roads flooding. Great! But there is good news.... They rescheduled Talbot for next Sunday with a 15% discount on the grooming. Now that's customer service! Maybe it will flood again next week and they will reschedule again for another 15%! Yeah, wishful thinking. :-)

But its all good. The 15% will save me about 10 bucks. Nice!

So now I am home-bound. I have plenty to keep me busy. I brought school work... (yuck) but it needs to get done. I have a full week lined up for the kids and I need to have everything ready.
I would much rather have someone to hang out and relax with. Maybe someone that can rub my sore calves and hammies. Maybe next time.

Well, then... time to get my kitchen cleaned up.. get ready to make some chili for later. And with the laundry in the dryer I can get some school work done.

Until next time.... be well. Stay dry. And if you do happen to get wet... have fun with it!

When will it be long enough?

When indeed?
Whoever discovers the secrets of the heart must keep it secret. Should such powerful knowledge ever be unveiled, it would be the end of humanity as we know it.
For it is this mystery that keeps us guessing from one day to the next.

For me, I would have thought I would be done by now. Done with my mournful thoughts. Though they are, by far, less frequent and less intense, they continue to haunt me periodically.

This is a safe avenue for my thoughts to travel, for she does not know of this digital journal.
It baffles me that I still harbor the feelings I do for someone with whom I spent such a minute portion of my life. It is strong evidence for the quality of time spent that matters, as opposed to the length. I learned tremendous lessons from my 3 month venture into the seas of passionate love. Yes, that's 3 months. And this weekend marks significant anniversaries for me....

• It was 6 months ago today that we first exchanged emails. 4 or 5 of them over the course of the day.
• It will be 6 months tomorrow that we spoke on the phone. 4 hours over a medium that, as a rule, I never really enjoyed much. I prefer talking ion person. Always have.
• It will be 6 months the day after, that we met, and I began to fall in love... excitably and unknowing of what was in store. This was the day that magic began.

For 3 months my passion burned so brightly a blind man in Iceland might have felt the warmth. A fire that burns brightly burns quickly, they say. Only 3 months. We have now been apart for as long as we were together. And yet, I still cannot quell my heart's desire for that companionship. Why?

I no longer mourn to the point that my sleep suffers. Nor do I spend all waking hours longing for her return, yet there is always something to remind me of what I had, however briefly. Only 3 months of this love and it marked my heart and soul so deeply that it redefined me. I changed who I am as a result of this love for this woman. I became a better man in many ways.

In 3 months, I was affected so profoundly that my previous 42 years are barely recognizable. This in only 3 months.

After hours upon hours of deliberating within my heart and mind... a mind that I once believed to be a powerful one, I have come to the humbling conclusion, that I really never knew her at all. I have never been so wrong about a person in so many ways. I did not understand her. Apparently I never knew her at all. How much of this is my fault? How much of this is her fault?

All I ever asked in return is to be loved and to be understood. And for the first part of those 3 months I believed I was on my way to having my dreams realized. I now believe that is the greatest comfort I can ask for.... not wealth, not a plush bed upon which to rest my head, or a fanciful home. Not even the promise for eternal bliss. But the comfort in knowing someone understands you and still loves you completely.

Never before was I so willing to give everything of me and even more. I made accomodations for things I previoiusly would not not have tolerated. I was bewithched and intoxicated, but not in a malicious manner. I was astounded that so many things I desire in a woman were actually right before me. Right there for me to see, to hear, to touch, and to smell. Her scent alone lingered within my nostrils for hours when we were apart. I used to cuddle the pillow on which her head rested, breathing deeply and slowly, ingesting her aroma. When she would come to visit all my neurons fired with excitement and anticipation as I laid my eyes upon her. In so many ways I felt my existence mattered so much more than it ever had before.

For that is what I offered her. I willingly gave my heart and soul over to her. I entrusted my essence to her her... and only her. But I erred. In more ways than one, I erred. I saw what others did not. But now I wonder if I saw only what I wanted and hoped to see, instead of what was there. I refuse to believe that my heart loved an illusion. I refuse to believe that my love was in vain. Alas, it appears to be so.

I have made attempts to "move on", as it were and have found it more difficult than what I believe it should be. Yes, only 3 months... and all this spiritual turmoil.

2 weeks ago she called me. But the conversation was empty. For an hour on the phone, little was said. I spoke little. It was mostly her telling me about what has been going on with her. I kept waiting for some purpose for the phone call.

As much as I hate to admit it, I was still hoping there would be some indication on her part that I am missed... that I am thought of... or dare I even conceive the idea... that I was desired. But there was no such confession from her. Why then... why the phone call. My friends tell me to stop torturing myself. Agreeable sentiment, certainly. I suppose I would say the same thing if I were in their shoes.

So I am left wondering where her mind is... where her heart is. If I was so wrong about her, then wherein lies the truth? What lies in her heart and mind? What thoughts of me are there? Damn my incessant desire to "know"! If I were to know the truth would I find it appeasing? Or would it facilitate my emotional discomfort?

Sometimes it pains me to think that she has desires for others, rather than me. Whether she does or not, is entirely unknown to me. After all, I have been so very wrong about her. With that said, she has also been very wrong about me. And a large part of my pain lies in my belief that she had no interest in learning the truth of me. She simply discovered that she was not attracted to me and that I didn't suit her, so decided that I was not what she wanted after all. So I assumed she left easily. And again... I wonder... am I wrong about that as well? I am trying to come to terms with the idea that I will likely never know.

Damn my incessant desire to "know"!

All this in only 3 months.

You must see this

Just for a moment... lets forget that it has been over a year since my last post. Let's not take time to catch up on what I have been up to for the past 15 months.... although there have been some very significant events in my life... some of the most significant in my entire life...

That's not what this is about...

Its about (what could be) the singular most powerful movie I have ever watched.
A little while ago I finished watching "The Stoning of Soraya M."

Check out the trailer here...





I don't want to give too much away, although the title pretty much says it all.
It boggles the rational mind that any religion (or any civilized people) can dicate a law that mandates this kind of brutality.

This movie will keep you riveted to your seat and at the same time will piss you off.
I don't pretend to be an expert on Islamic culture, but I find it hard to accept that this is something that can occur on any given day. It just goes to show that justification is completely subjective.

I don't know if this means that I will resume my blog. In fact, as I become more enmeshed into the new school year, I find it unlikely. So today's entry is merely a platform... a stage, if you will, to showcase this film.



Watch it, if you dare.

So This Is Supposed To Be Vacation huh?

It isn't exactly how I planned to spend my first evening of my summer vacation. Here is how it was supposed to go...

• 4:30PM - wake up from nap
• 4:32 - pee
• 4:38- tap, shake and head to kitchen
• 4:39- start coffee & let dogs out
• 4:40- pee.... yes, again. (Have to chase out the stragglers)
• 4:42- (shorter) return to kitchen
• 4:43- peer into pantry and refrigerator repeatedly until an idea strikes
• 4:44- see 4:43
• 4:46- scratch and decide on dinner
• 4:49- get ingredients needed ready
• 4:54- remember that I just made fresh coffee
• 4:55- pour cup of fresh coffee
• 4:56- head toward computer and fire it up
• 4:57- check email, facebook, bank account, play pocket tanks
• 5:20- start cooking while jamming to tunes
• 5:35- sit at coffee table and have dinner while watching next episode of House Season 1
• 6:20- bring dogs in and feed all the critters
• 6:31- call drinking buddy
• 6:32- leave message for drinking buddy to call back
• 6:33- give treat and put dogs out again
• 6:34- head into garage for coffee and cigar while playing games on computer
• 7:10- pee
• 7:11- take shower
• 7:23- towel off and check for messages
• 7:27- pick up dog poop in yard and water grass & foliage
• 7:38- scratch
• 7:39- dispose of aforementioned poop and return into house to hear the phone ringing
• 7:40- talk to drinking buddy and make plans for evening
• (if you're still reading this you must really have a sad life)
• 7:41- clean up crockery
• 8:08- wipe sweat from brow
• 8:09- watch next episode of House
• 8:35- answer interrupting phone call and talk with friend
• 9:03- resume House
• 9:04- pause House and go pee
• 9:09- let dogs in and resume House
• 9:24- turn off TV and get dressed
• (you're still reading? You're pathetic)
• 9:32- gather my things and tell dogs not to wait up
• 9:34- head to watering hole
• 9:51- arrive at consumable goods facility
• 9:53- stroll into establishment and look around like I own the place
• 9:54- approach bar as first people notice I'm wearing a skirt
• 9:56- order a beer as I scan the staff
• 9:57- pull out my ID (because I look so young)
• 9:58- chuckle at the compliment and say "I get that a lot."
• 10:00- take my first swig as I hear "MAK!" announced loudly and excitedly behind me
• 10:01- slide off stool and give buddy hug
• 10:02- engage in banter with buddy and accelerate consumption rate
• (Still reading, huh? Now its getting a little better.)
• 11:36- have all the women play rock-paper-scissors to see who gets to share my company
• 11:37- recover from slap in face from friend who caught me day dreaming again
• 12:26- stop drinking etoh and start on water
• 12:27- pee...................... (gonna be a while)
• 12:41- continue laughing as drinking buddy continues with funny anecdotes about our days in the trenches together
• 12:58- pee (the seal is broken now)
• 2:00- close down the bar and wait 20 minutes for buddy to finish talking to people
• 2:21- continue conversation in parking lot
• 2:39- pee (flood gates have been open for a while now)
• 2:44- hug buddy and head for home
• 3:04- arrive home, greet dogs and let them out
• 3:08- pee
• 3:12- get undressed and let dogs in
• 3:17- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Well, that didn't happen.

Things were going according to plan until 5:35. Then.....

• 5:35- sat down to dinner and noticed TV wasn't working
• 5:37- tinkered with controls
• 5:43- cursed
• 5:44- answered phone call from drinking buddy
• 6:03- got off phone after learning that buddy can't go out due to taking a class in the morning
• 6:04- moved dinner into computer room
• 6:06- browsed through netflix to select movie to watch on computer while having dinner
• 6:07- watched movie and ate
• 6:40- paused movie and fed critters
• 6:56- resumed movie
• 7:50- finished movie and let dogs out
• 7:51- pee
• 7:55- took shower and shaved
• 8:12- checked email, web-sites, etc.
• 9:10- moved laptop to patio and started fire
• 9:16- brought dogs in
• 9:19- started fire in patio and signed in to blogspot
• 9:21- lit Perdomo Maduro Vintage
• 10:36- finishing up blog and cigar as fire is fading

Be well!

What a movie!

I watched a good movie this evening. I was due for another good purging.
So I purged, but not as heavily as thought I might. I guess once I figured out what was happening, the plot didn't hit me so heavily. Nonetheless.... powerful stuff!

I saw Seven Pounds.

The hard part is for me to comment on the movie without giving the story away. Even though the audience can pretty well figure out what will happen within the 1st thirty (or so) minutes, its still compelling to watch. It draws you in.
It is about compassion and guilt. Two very powerful emotions that drive this story.
I couldn't help wondering what happened to the Box Jelly. But that is beside the point. :-)

I was reminded of my days in college. In grad school I took a Social Psychology class. There was considerable amount of material and ensuing discourse regarding altruism. There is an undying philosophical question associated with it too..... Is there such a thing as pure altruism? On just about any given day you can hear someone discussing this in the library or hanging out near the Psych classes. My professor and I had a discussion about this too. I never did figure out what his opinion was, but then I suppose that is what made him a good professor. He & I discussed this a couple times and he understood my position well. Well enough to use me as an example in a class discussion. Score 1 nerd point for the guy sitting in the center of the back row. :-)

This argument is (predictably) never really settled. There are strong opinions going either way. Its kind of like arguing over which side of the sausage is its beginning?
But within that argument lies something even more important. Even more important than the motives for altruism is the outcome of it. What does the reason matter if someone did something for someone else. Isn't the outcome what really matters?

I put this movie in the same class as "Life as a House." Amazing!
I'll leave you with a couple trailers from these movies.... Food for thought.

Let me know your thoughts! Enjoy & be well!

Change in plans

Well peeps.... if you didn't notice, I was trying to do this story thing on here. But my lack of consistency to the story I was working on caused other stuff to go by the wayside. So I decided to start another blog page just for my stories. Once I figure out how to do it, I will post a link to it from this page. But for now... the address is http://scrollinggest.blogspot.com/

I copied the 4 parts to the story to the new blog. This way I can continue with the story-telling at my leisure and not leave this blog unattended for such long periods of time. There have been some developments in my life that have been left unblogged. So let's see if I can do a brief bulleted list to get you caught up... (these are in no particular order)

• Our boys & girls wrestling team won districts
• My mother is visiting
• My sister has a new job. Well, same job, new school. She loves it!
• I have grass in my back yard now
• I just returned from a fun-filled weekend in Lake Harmony, PA for a cigar festival
• I have a new skill, shoveling horse s*!t
• I have been working on a new habitat for one of my snakes
• Talbot got a hair cut
• My friend Lilo bought a house
• My friend John rented a house
• My friend Joy moved into a bigger apartment
• I helped all three of them move
• I helped all three of them move
• I helped all three of them move
• My back hurts :-)
• I'm still funny

That ought to about sum it up.

I am planning on returning to the annual VHPA reunion this year. Its in Philadelphia. I haven't finalized the plans yet, but within the next week or so I should have it all figured out.

I'm keeping this one short. I have some more things to do tonight, so I'm gonna call it a blog!

Be sure to check out my other page. I hope it becomes a regular page for you to visit. Hopefully, over time I will have a variety of stories and poems on there. I'll try to hit different genres. My family isn't too big on the fantasy stories, so maybe my next one will be something they will like. We'll see what happens.

Thanks for visiting!

Be well

Yeah, I know. Its been a while. Ok, a loooong while.
Generally saying that I've been busy is just a euphemism for saying that I was too lazy. Honestly, there is truth to both. Don't you just love honesty? :-)
I can't help it. Its a product of my high moral standards. Or is it.......????

How did you like the way I segued into my topic tonight? Pretty cute, eh? :-)
So here I go on honesty... something that I hold sacred. To me, honesty is one of the pillars of ...
well... not humanity. Can I say animality?

You can see where I'm going with this, can't you?

No, I haven't had a recent breach of trust. I didn't get swindled. (unless you know something I don't) My integrity hasn't been scrutinized. So where is this coming from?
Honestly (there I go again) it just popped into my head right after I said there was some truth to being busy and lazy. But right as I started on this topic, the question of the origin of honesty sprang to mind. When did honesty become a moral obligation? Who ever deemed dishonesty as as bad?

I'm shooting from the hip here, folks, so just go with me on this.

In my exploration of this topic I have to consider different applications of honesty and how it is beneficial to the one who commits honesty. Or how about the recipient of honesty. Who really benefits from honesty? As I'm pondering the possible threads to this chain of thinking I realize that people have probably written 200 page dissertations on this stuff. I hope I'm not getting in over my head here. After all, can honesty really be explored objectively?

So, let's dig in. As good a place to start as any is with the origin of the word. At least in its English form. I did a little checking and there are no mysterious origins to honor. According to The Barhart Concise Dictionary of Etymology it is derived from Latin honestus which expectantly means respected, truthful, or fair. No news bulletin there.

Something occurs to me, though. Respected, truthful, and fair are human values. People decide what is fair. Respect is a little less easy to attribute solely to humans, but still workable. And truthful implies an acknowledgement of fact. So does this mean that humans also decide what is honest? If this is true, then honesty can't really be explored objectively.

To twist this thought a little, lets look at this more philosophically. Was there honor before man? This reminds me of something Nietzsche pondered... "Did God create man or did man create God? I'm not well versed enough with Nietzsche to know if he ever proffered an answer to his own query, but I think the application of the question fits.

In order to explore this I have to view this matter from a more biological angle. More specifically, evolution. This ties back into my earlier question about who benefits from honesty.
I'm certainly not the first to pose this question. Robert Wright, who authored The Moral Animal: Pantheon Books 1994, discusses Charles Darwin and evolution in a number of places. He wrote, "Truth and honesty are never favored by natural selection in and of themselves. Natural selection neither 'prefers' honesty nor 'prefers' dishonesty. It just doesn't care."
So does honesty really matter when survival is at stake? What about altruism? Can someone do something dishonest in order to procure a greater justice? Robin Hood would say "Absolutely!"

But I'm not going to get into the parameters of honesty here. Or honor for that matter. Honor has become so twisted these days its almost impossible to convince someone that defending their perception of honor is misplaced. See what I mean.... there is that man-made concept again.... perception.

When a person's honor and integrity is threatened, they are likely to lose objectivity and act on a moral imperative to act on their perceived threat. The key, once again, being the perception of a threat.

Any person engaging in a discourse on honor would be remiss to omit discussing the religious implications here. People live in the constant fear of being cast into eternal damnation if they so much as even conceive dishonest thought, let alone act dishonestly. So how is honor served when your instinct and biological imperative are in conflict with your religious imperative?
That, my friends, is what we call a dilemma.

Suppose you are lost in the desert. Its been two days since you had any water. You are already suffering the effects of dehydration. You encounter a well equipped stranger setting up camp. You ask for water and he refuses to share any and he tells you to keep going and not to bother him. Later he falls asleep and he has water all over the place. Knowing there is no risk of being caught, do you steal some water?

Of course this scenario is highly unlikely and unreasonable. It is supposed to be. It illustrates a conflict. It pits a biological imperative against a moral imperative. My first thought would be to take some water. My justification is that morality does me no good if I'm dead. Of course there are those that will argue about tainting of the soul and it was a test that I failed therefore I'm damned. So there never will be an answer acceptable to everyone.

This brings me to my concluding point. Despite some clear universal ideas of honor, there will always be varying perceptions because people simply have different value systems.
I think George Carlin did a great job of boiling the 10 commandments down to 2 basic commandments....

"Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie & Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you."

All of the other commandments address honor in one form or another anyway. So why not keep it simple? Keep it honest. Here he is....
Enjoy!

Life Is Precious

That seems to be a message that is all too easily forgotten, despite the frequent reminders in our pop culture. There are many opportunities to be reminded of this.... every day.

Do you ever find yourself just watching people? Not even deliberately. You just catch yourself staring. Do you ever ask yourself why? Do you answer? I do. Frequently. I try to find connections between me and everyone else. I observe... I listen... I watch... and sometimes I stare. I'm the weird seclusive bald guy down the street that kids are warned to avoid. hehe
Almost everything about me is unconventional... at least for where I live. Don't get me wrong...
I love my neighborhood. I have good neighbors. But I'm the odd one out. I'm not married with kids. I live with a bunch of animals (and no I don't live in a frat house). I'm Pagan. I like to run around the house naked. I smoke pipes and cigars. I listen to weird music. I have weird books. There is really nothing obvious about me. By looking at me you can't discern my origin. By listening to me you can't tell where I was raised. By talking with me you might not be able to guess if I'm educated. You can't tell if I'm a sports fan. I have a ubiquitous look about me. I blend well. Either that or I have about 18 brothers that look like me. (Poor bastards) :-)
In short, I'm an anomaly.

So what does all this have to do with the title of this post? Well, my friends, I'll tell you...
Let's see if I can make sense of my train of thought so that I don't sound like some babbling fool stuck on the 7th floor somewhere:

One of my most prominent missions in life is to decipher the mystery of being. That is to figure out what motivates people to be who they are. Oh yeah, this gets deep. So hold on. (Feel free to bail out at any time) It is for this reason that I am so observant. That is why I study people's behavior, their mannerisms, their attire, etc. I try to figure them out in hopes of figuring out what the hell we (as a people) are doing here. I want to know. My mantra is "Seek knowledge. Wisdom follows."

So far, I've learned that there is wisdom in simplicity. There are so many movies and songs and stories that remind us to enjoy life. But we don't always live the way those stories tell us. In fact, in our western culture, we go out of our way to prove to ourselves, and those around us, that we are somehow more special... more deserving than everything else. We have forgotten that life, in of itself, is precious.
After teaching middle school science I learned a thing or two about just how fragile life is. If everyone had an inkling on an idea of how narrowly we survive... it is by a thread of the universe's web that we cling to life. And yet we thrive. As a result of this, we try to live in opulence to prove to ourselves that we belong. Its as though there is some unconscious drive to maintain our constant state of denial.
Its the simple things that make life possible in the first place. And hence, we take these simple things for granted. Just ask the farmer that hasn't seen rain in two years. Ask the fisherman whose lake dried up. Ask the Inuit who can't feed his family because the caribou left. You get the point.
This thread by which we live weaves and turns through the universe. And no one knows when this thread will break. But it will. So we ought to live as though we know this. We ought to live as though we are thankful. We ought to live as though we are fortunate, not deserving. This thread goes by many names. For people to make sense of the worlds around and within us we have to apply terms to them. This thread is known by many names: God, Allah, Goddess, Yahweh, Luck, Providence, Brahma, Elohim, Jehovah, Gaea, Verdandi, Great Spirit, and many others, I'm sure. Call it what you will, but we all live by a hairs breath.
And what a rich breath it is. It is fantastic. It is miraculous. It is fortuitous. It is beautiful. It is terrible. It is grand. It is awe-inspiring. It is what I call life.

We ought to live by the golden rule which is predominate in all belief systems. We ought to make the world a better place while we are here. This message is everywhere. We need to choose to hear it. In this age of communication and entertainment this message is delivered. These messages are delivered to us through modern day bards. People write stories and tell them in many forms. Through movies and song. Through books and stories. Someone wrote these. Someone sings these. Someone reads these. These are the bards and minstrels of today.
But they are easily dismissed as entertainers. They are more than that... (with some exceptions I'm sure.) But the message remains true. Some have delivered this message in celebrated fashion such as great books. Take the time to look a little deeper. Listen a little closer. You can hear it.

Life is precious. Live as though you know this.

Be well.

If There Is Such A Thing As Luck...

... then I've experienced it.
I came home yesterday. I was in NC for Xmas and then spent a few days in Atlanta with my sister and her daughter. It was a good trip. We all had a good time. We went to the Georgia Aquarium and Stone Mountain. We zipped through the Atlanta Underground and Centennial Olympic Park.
I'll provide more detail on these in another post, but I just wanted to share the brief story of the luck that I experienced.
When I came home, I was very happy to see my critters... the dogs, the cat, the fish, the hermit crab, and of course my ..... 2(?) snakes....??? Wait a minute....
I double checked my blog to be sure that I didn't dream about the new snake.
I was no dream. And now Hiberna was gone.
What the hell....????
Apparently I didn't do a good job of securing the cover to the little enclosure I had and she got out. I don't know if I was more pissed off or sad. I called my friends (those that watched the house and kids) to ask if they knew anything or if they ever opened the enclosure. They didn't.
So I came to terms with the loss of a little young snake. For a snake as small as she is, there are a million places she could hide. I pretty much precluded any thoughts of even searching for fear of even greater disappointment. After about an hour I settled down a bit and got to thinking... it isn't likely that she went far. So if she was still here, then it would be close. It isn't as though she would make a bee line for the nearest exit. As far as she knows, this is a new and potentially dangerous world. So she would be careful and meticulously slow in her exploration. Ok, so a littler glimmer of hope was restored.
I proceeded to start at the place where her enclosure was and started looking under cushions and behind stuff. Then I thought she would likely stay in dark places. That would likely mean near edges of stuff. I worked my way behind the couch over toward the closet. Why not, its dark in there. So I opened the closet door and wouldn't you know it.... there she was. In plain sight right at eye level no less! Literally hanging around amidst a collection of unused clothes hangers.
That has to rank at the top of my list of pleasant surprises! So I put this question to you....
Is there luck? Is there karma? Or is there just circumstance? hmmm...
So my year ended on a very positive note. I've said before that 2008 was a good year for me. My 40th year on Earth was probably the best one. And since I turned 41 a couple weeks ago, my luck, as it were, seems to continue to be good. :-)
Maybe I should start playing the lotto!
Nah, why do anything differently now? I'm just happy that Hiberna wasn't lost forever. I happy that my household is filled with happy dogs, a content cat, a few well fed snakes and a hermit crab that probably could use a couple friends. Oh yeah.... and a happy master of the home that has friends and family that care about him. I'm getting all fuzzy inside!
My home truly is my castle. And my subjects are well!

May the new year bring you as much good fortune and happiness as it did for me last year.

Be well

Vrem...Vrem - Chop...Chop...Whack...Chop...Chop...Whack- Timberrrrrrrr... Crash.... Oops!

It could have been worse, but hardly more memorable.
Xmas Eve and my Brother-In-Law & I decide to chop down a tree. But it wasn't for the sake of our manhoods... rather out of perceived necessity.

You see, I'm in NC. If you have been paying attention, then you knew this already. And if you passed middle school Social Studies, then you can surmise that there are lots of pine trees in NC. Then you can take it one step further and infer that people would be living in close proximity to at least one pine tree.

In this case.... there were 3 in the back yard. One was struck by lightening. Ali, my Brother-in-law, said the tree was dead and had to be cut down. Naturally, me being a wood chopping kind of guy, was all too happy to help. So I go through the list of things we need to do this safely and successfully.

• Chain saw ....................check
• Goggles .........................no...?? Ok then... moving on
• Gloves ..........................no...?? Of course not. What was I thinking? Because I really love bubbles under my epidermis!
• Wedge ..........................check (at least something)
• Rope ............................What... no rope? Am I really surprised?
• Axe ............................ A camp axe...? Are you serious? (sigh)
• Mallet .........................Finally... a manly tool!

Ok then. Lets get started. We plan the demise of the ill-fated, Zeus-targeted pine tree. Yeah, it should fall right about here.

Ali heads to the garage to bring out the chain saw. Now we are in business! I start clearing the yard for the felling path. There's something about cutting wood that makes me feel all manly! (Oh shut-up!)

Ali is on his way back and pulls the chain saw out of the box.... uh.... dude.... "You're kidding, right?" I thought. The first thing I see is a plug. Bad sign. Next emerges the grip and trigger followed by a 16" bar with a dull chain. This ain't a chain saw, man..... its a glorified hedge trimmer! I foresee manual labor.

Ali is rather proud of this chain saw. Ok... if he insists. So he starts cutting into the tree. I whistle trying to stop him. I thought I might tell him to start cutting from the back first so if the tree should fall prematurely, it would fall the way we wanted to. But he was quite into the cutting so I just watched. He worked his way about half way through. He pulled out the saw (if you want to call it that) and started on the angle for the wedge. About a quarter of the way through the chain saw quits. Oh dear... I never saw that coming!

After about an hour of tinkering w/ it, Ali discovered that the teeth (plastic, mind you) were all stripped away from the fly wheel. So the gears (metal) were spinning freely. I was afraid to look to see where the chain saw was made. You're probably thinking it too.

While he was messing with that I proceeded to start cutting with a hand saw. Imaging this for a second.... Ali is a carpenter and didn't even have a reciprocating saw. (well, not available, anyway) Sheesh. And I can really see myself cutting down a 40 foot pine tree w/ a camp axe!
So I used the axe as a wedge and started whacking it with the maul. The axe was fully embedded but the tree wasn't moving.

So Ali starts plans to cut some more wedges so we can hammer them in one at a time and force the tree over. So while he's getting that ready I continue with the hand saw. It was right about this time that the Wind Gods decide to amuse themselves with a little game of Let's see what happens when ....."
Ok, so I'm sawing away and making good progress. I figure the tree will fall after the 1st wedge or two are driven in. But, I was wrong....
The tree started falling before Ali even plugged the saw in to cut out the fargon wedges! Small problem, though..... um.... Ali....

Timberrrrrrrrr......Crash....... Oops!

Ok... it could have been worse. At least it didn't fall on Our house.
Or anyone else's for that matter. But it did take out a fence & crashed about 3 feet short of the neighbors patio. Whew!

Before we even started I told my sister and niece to be recording this on video. This could have been a classic blunder that might have landed us a spot on one of those funny video shows. You Tube for sure!
Of all the wrong ways for this thing to fall, it picked the path of least destruction. Seriously. A couple degrees either way, there would have been more undesirable collateral damage. If my brain would have been running even at half capacity, I would have taken a few pictures. But I didn't even think to. Maybe I can still take a shot tomorrow of the fence and the size of the tree to give you an idea. But the drama will be poorly represented. Oh well. Sorry!

So Ali & I cut the trunk to more manageable sized chunks and cleared the neighbor's yard. He patched the hole in the fence until he can replace the broken part. The fence was ours anyway. The only casualties the neighbor suffered were a couple small branches from one of their trees. Disaster averted!

So it was a mildly eventful Xmas Eve. I hope your Xmas went a little more according to plan!

Be well
... and too all a good night!

Exspectata Hiberna

...which means Welcome Winter in Latin.... in case you're wondering! :-)

And what a welcome it is! December 21st ushered in, not only a new season, but weather befitting the first day of Winter! Yesterday evening my friend & I were hanging out in my patio enjoying a fire. I was wearing a kilt. That's all. Well, until later when it got a little chilly so I donned a hoodie. But still! Of course, yesterday it was still autumn. :-)


But I have more than one reason to commemorate today. I added a new member to my family today. And her name is rather fitting, I should think...


Meet Hiberna:



She (at least I believe its a she) is a California King Snake. She is maybe 3 months old. I have been wanting a King snake for a while now. And no.... it has nothing to do with my teaching at King High School! Although its still kind of funny how this all worked out! I've had Max, my Rat Snake for about 3 years now and Kaa, my Boa for about half that time. And since I've had Max, I've wanted a King Snake. So, there you go!

For those that believe in providence, here is an arguement for you! Here's the brief story....

I am leaving for NC tomorrow. I had some last minute things to wrap up so I had to make a run to Petsmart to get a few things. A snake was not on my shopping list. Out of habit I always make a pit stop at the birds and reptiles to see what they have to offer. I've walked in there for the past few years and never came out with a snake... until today. I guess you could qualify this as an impulse buy, but since I have been waiting for the opportunity for a while, and it came, does that still make it an impulse buy? But that really doesn't matter now anyway. Here's the cool part... I knew that today is the Winter Solstice. But I didn't know exactly at what time. As it turned out it occured at 6:04 PM CST. The time of purchase on my receipt was 5:49PM. So the way I figure it... I made it home in roughly 15 minutes. Ok, maybe I'm stretching a little, but I can't be off more than 3 minutes give or take. Either way... its still pretty damn cool that I walked in the door right around the Solstice with my new little friend.

For once, naming a animal came easily for me.... Hiberna. That's Latin for winter. And it fits. I like it. And in case you are wondering.... yes, that is where we get the term hibernate.

But don't worry, Kaa is the snake boss in the house. Here is a nice recent shot of him.

I don't recall ever telling the story of how Kaa came to me in the first place.

There really isn't much of a story. But its still worth mentioning:

I'm a teacher. And a colleague of mine has a husband who is a herpatologist. Well, he is friends with the Kennel Master (the head guy at the City's Animal Control). Anyway, his department had to confiscate 2 Red Tail Boas. Well, Jaime, the Kennel Master, doesn't like to euthanize animals. So he tries very hard to find homes. Yes, even for large snakes. So that is where I came in. My colleague put me in touch with Jaime and since I was a teacher I could have the snake with the condition that I use it for educational purposes. Which I do. Hence, the relevance of my statement about being a teacher.

Now there were 2 Boas. At the time I was leary about taking both. I had never had a snake that large before. So I just took one. I really didn't like the idea of breaking them up, but I couldn't take the chance that they might be a breeding pair. And with my inexperience with Boas, I thought it best that I took one. Besides, I didn't know how it would go with one, let alone two. Since then I built a nice enclosure that could easily house 2 or even three of them. Now I could handle two. But I wasn't sure at the time. Anyway, as I learned later, Jaime did find another home for the other one. That makes me happy! see --> :-)







If snakes can actually be happy, then I like to think that this guy is.

He's been a real hit at school. He's about 7 and a half feet long now. He eats well and is a good shedder, which is cool because I can take his molting to school.

In my class we have talking about South America, so I'm able to bring a little (well, maybe not so little) piece from that part of the world into the class room.

And so today the Winter Solstice ushered a new era into my home... the era of 3 dogs, a cat, a hermit crab, an aquarium, and now 3 snakes.

Although Hiberna is a mere 17 grams today, she's still a snake. Therefore she still raises the population by one!

So my friends. Say hello to Hiberna. I'll keep you posted!




Be well

A Good Start Today

Did You See That Moon...

...last night! Wow.
For some mysterious cosmic reason, my head coach cut pratice short yesterday. As a result we got out early enough for me to zip down to Ocean Drive and watch the moonrise from Swatner Park. I arrived just in time to see the crimson colored orb crown over the horizon. What a sight! It was especially cool because the horizon was the water! Nice!
I'll get back to the moon in a while.

I stuck around for about 20 minutes before heading home to spend some time with my mom before she went back to NC. We played a round of rummy and she finally let me win one! She had been kicking my butt since she arrived. :-)
She was pretty well packed and ready to go by the time I got home. So I reheated some leftovers and put some things away before sitting down to play cards. It was an early night for the both of us, esp. since she was leaving so early n the morning. She didn't have a set time. She just wanted to get an early start.

And she did. I woke up around 5:20 this morning to the sounds of my mother tinkering in the kitchen. By 6:00 she was out the door.

So there I was, trying to get back to sleep. I couldn't. I'm so used to getting up close to 6:00 anyway. Why fight it?
So I made some breakfast and watched a movie. After the movie it was time to take Talbot to the vet.

When Negative Is A Good Thing

For almost as long as I've had Talbot, I had trouble maintaining compliance with his heart worm prevention. Well, all dogs actually. I was always missing months or running out of the tablets before buying more. I was trying to juggle the doses between 3 dogs while trying to avoid a hundred bucks at a time to get each of them a 6 month supply at a time. Invariably, I would end up shorting one or two of them. As a result I always had to get the heartworm blood test once or twice per year. You, know, just to make sure. So I finally decided to just get a 6 month supply for each dog at the same time. Much easier to track this way. You'd think a college educated guy would have done this a loooong time ago. But alas... I'm stubborn!
But I'm finally on track. Each dog has its own box and now there are no more questions about when the last dose was administered.

So I walked with Talbot over to the vet this morning for the quick blood test. Its kind of funny how dogs know whats coming. The vet office is along the path we usually take when we go walking anyway. So as far as Talbot was concerned we were just going for a walk. Yay for the dog! That is until I take a left at a place where we usually go straight. Suddenly his tail drops and he gets nervous. There is no doubt that he knows (as do the others) where we are headed.
Fortunately, he doesn't give me a hard time, he just gets nervous.
The nice thing about a 9:00 appointment is that the lobby is usually empty. There might be one other pet there, but not today. We were in and out in 15 minutes with a negative test result. Not that I was worried, but its still nice to have the confirmation. :-)

As we got back home there was a message on my answering machine from my mother. I missed her call by about 5 minutes (if even that). Her message was amusing... "Are you home? I need you. Ok bye." She probably forgot where to exit in Houston.... again. So I called her back. Yup... she missed an exit... in Houston... again. :-) But she got back on track by the time I called her back so all was good.

As I'm writing this she's probably nearing Mississipi. It would be kind of cool to have a lojack or something so I could track her progress on the computer. You know, there is this feature on Google Earth that allows you to see the current position of a commercial flight. You just need the airline and flight number. That is way cool.... in a spooky kind of way. I'm sure there about 50 million parents of teenagers that would love that feature! As sure as the parents might salivate at the prospect to assert more control over their child, there are just as many teens cringing at the thought of that possibility. Yeah, that's what we need, another technology tool to compensate for inadequate parenting. But who am I to judge? I'm not a parent. But I was a teen. And I am a high school teacher, so I have a pretty good idea of the teenage mind. But that is neither here nor there right now. This is not a "soap box" post today. :-)
Besides, there a lot of teens that are just fine.

I was going to go on to write a little more about the moon from last night and how inspiting it was to watch, but I need to get back to work on my chores. I have a lot of school work to do as well. I am trying to get all things wrapped up before we leave for the xmas break so I won't have to worry about anything over the holiday. We'll see how that goes. It usually doesn't! hehe

Ok friends... until the next inspiring moon (tonight perhaps)!

Be well.

Good Learning - Good Laughs - Good Music

Good day today. We all need days like these to remind us that fun and good tidings are still to be had. Monday nights I'm glued to CBS from 7:00 to 8:30. And all three shows provided fuel for a good and hearty laugh. That's rare. I enjoy all the shows very much, but its rare that all 3 give me a good satisfying, midriff clenching, couch-bouncing, head-rearing guffaw! Yeah... that kind of laugh!
I'm not gonna bother to look right now, but I have little doubt that scenes will be on you tube shortly.

The good laugh followed an afternoon of learning. Yup... I'm on holiday and I'm doing educational stuff. Well, actually, I stayed in doing educational stuff. But it was mixed with entertainment. So it still counts as a holiday-related activity.... doesn't it?
You shouldn't be too surprised anyway. After all, I'm the guy that had a day to kill in Manhattan and takes a guided tour of the NY Public Library! Yeah.... that's me. I have a day to blow in the Big Apple (where did that name come from anyway?) and I go to the freakin' library! Those who know me best are smiling and nodding right about now.

So, on with today...

This morning I woke feeling rested. I had forgotten what that feels like. Don't get me wrong... I don't have trouble sleeping. I just have a busy mind and my thoughts usually involve what I have to do tomorrow. And I've been having some memorable dreams too. (Blanca.... close your eyes for a second!) I'm trying really hard to avoid analyzing them right now, but suffice it to say there is a recurring character of the female persuasion starring in them right now. Her role has been a bit lascivious in nature.
(Ok you can open them again) :-)

Ok... back to the smart-making stuff.

Last week in school I was teaching my classes about the Lewis & Clark and the Corps of Discovery as well as the search for the Northwest Passage. This actually hearkens back to an entry I made some time ago when I was discussing favorites... and one of my favorite shows of all time is "Due South". Well, that show is what introduced me to the Northwest Passage in the first place. Its such an intriguing piece of history. As I was preparing my lessons I came across a Discovery program called "Search for the Northwest Passage". I didn't find it for sale anywhere, in video format or for download. But I did find it on You Tube. Go figure. So I watched it today. Of course its cut into nine or ten 10 minute segments. Absolutely unimaginable. Therein lies the potential for a great tragedy of epic proportions. With the right writers and people, this story could be told on the scale of James Cameron's "Titanic".

So that was the learning part. I took lots of notes. I have more homework to do on that subject, but I'm in no hurry. I need to find a book written by the guy that actually was the 1st one through the passage. It was Roald Amundsen, in case you're curious. How cool would it be use his own words in describing what actually transpired! Think about it... from whom would you rather hear a story: From a guy sitting behind a desk 6,000 miles away, or from someone on the ground when bombs were falling over Dresden in 1945? So the next time I teach this, I'll have a way cooler presentation!

As far as the good music part.... I spent some time digging through my music and came across some goodies. I'm putting together a nice travel compilation for my upcoming trip. Which brings me to now.

I'm in my garage smoking a cigar & I'm writing this as I periodically peer over my right shoulder at the unorganized mess of camping gear strewn about the floor. Soon I'll be sifting through the equipment & sundries for my upcoming return to the Renaissance Festival this weekend.
I have my list and I'll be checking it thrice.

So, my frinds, I leave you with that. Its been a good day. Good learning, good laughs, and good music!
Don't forget to smile. :-)

Be well.

movie - boom-boom - movie - movie

Its amazing how quickly the weeks are passing these days! Its already Sunday and seems like I just posted the previous entry yesterday. Another great yesterday!
The day started with conditioning practice for our wrestlers. We were at Cole Park again. Its about the only place south of San Antonio with something resembling a hill.

I was on a tight schedule. I had some errands to run and a lot of cleaning to get done. My mother was coming to visit and I had to get her "room" ready and clean up the dusty spare bathroom. But before her, I had another buddy coming for a special event on Saturday night.

Richard showed up around 3:30 or so. I had some last minute tidying up to do before we departed for Lilo's place. We were heading into an all night LOTR movie marathon. If you don't know what LOTR means then you don't really know me :-)

But I must confess.... I didn't sit through the whole marathon. About 2 hours into it I went down to Tango Tea Room for a drum circle. This one was as good as the last one. Lots of new dancing faces.... well, new to me anyway. There was only one belly dancer that I recognized from a couple months ago. There were about 6 girls dancing off and on. One of them was pretty good, as far as I can tell, anyway. I wouldn't know good belly dancing from mediocre. It was a full house with them dancing and about 10 drummers! What a blast!

Last month I took my newest drum (at the time). Some of the wind was let out of my sails when there were two others with exactly the same drum. So yesterday I took my oldest drum. Its an original. Its a hand made goat skin djembe. So I knew that no one would have the same one. It plays at a lower tone. I don't play very well anyway, but this drum makes it even harder for me to get varying degrees of timbre. Oh well. But the event was so much fun. I felt bad for leaving the marathon, esp. after I was so eager to do it. But in my defense I did not realize there would be a drum circle on the same night until the day before.

After the drum circle I returned to the marathon with the second movie just getting started. John & Brenda showed up and so I lost my comfy spot :-(. Oh well. The price I pay for leaving.
But it was no less cool! By about 6:00AM we wrapped things up and Richard & I left. I would have preferred to have stayed. I finally got comfortable. But the hostess evicted us :-)
Its all good!

So as I arrived back home, Richard went to sleep and I proceeded to doing some chores. Nothing special.... the usual stuff.... dishes, a load of laundry.... that sort of thing. Then around 9:00 I finally made it to bed. That was this morning, mind you. When you do all-nighters, the days really run together. I was able to get a bout 3 or 4 hours of sleep in before I gave up and just got up. Back to the chores.

So around 4:00 my mom comes rolling in with her car full of stuff for a garage sale. Go figure... I sweat and struggle to load all that stuff into a big ass truck and haul it North Carolina not 6 months ago only for her to drag half of it back here for a garage sale. Moms. What are you gonna do?

Anyway, so now my eyelids are getting heavy. I tried to start reading this book Lilo gave me to read, but after reading the first paragraph 4 times and still not remembering anything, I decided to screw it and just play on the computer for a little while. Maybe tomorrow.

Be well!

Do I really need a sign?

Ok... so I'm posting again... but think of this as a misplaced Saturday post. I was supposed to write this then, but... I... uh.... forgot.

Better late than never (except for cancer, maybe?)

Ok.... here's the issue:

Going back to the idiocy thing... another argument was recently made lending more (apparently) credible evidence that I might actually be an idiot.

Allow me to explain....

John & I had such a good time on Friday that I wanted to extend the fun. Since I was going to be in that part of town anyway on Saturday, I suggested that we have lunch. He was cool with that. I invited another friend along but she was out house hunting.

Not surprisingly, John & I were talking about the night before. And the issue of my apparent blindness to the subtle cues of feminine coyness was broached. John contended that a woman was flirting with me at the concert. My facial expression, which consisted of the standard furrowed eyebrow and the slightly dropped jaw, suggested my forthcoming quizzical response, "What are you talking about?"
John proceeded to outline the behaviors suggesting the aforementioned flirting. Once again, my response was, "What!? She asked me for a light! How is that flirting?"
So I still don't know what he saw. Ok, that was Friday.

Then on Saturday... we were at the restaurant. The hostess had a fold in her collar. So I fixed it for her. She said, "Thank you." End of story.
Ok... so once again... Obe John Kenobe sees this interaction as flirting. Once again, "What!?"
He said he was observing her reactions to me and her responses. Ok... maybe his years of nursing help him notice differences in pupil dilation, respiration rate, or skin sheen.... but what the hell was he talking about?

So anyway... it makes me wonder if I need a sign or something. He isn't the first person to tell me that I'm being flirted with. And here I was going through life thinking I had a pretty good handle on human behavior. (other peoples' behavior)

It would help explain why I have been accused of being stand-offish when I meet new people, esp. women. I suppose if I was trying to flirt w/ someone and got no response, I might think that. So I'm (begrudgingly) having to admit that MAYBE there is something to the "I'm an idiot!" theory. This has come up a few times in recent weeks. And the creepy part is that this has been discussed by a few people. Hmmm.

Ok, maybe I do need a sign.

After all, it helped Sheldon....





Be well

Boy am I glad he called!

On Thursday I got a call from a buddy of mine.  He wanted someone to go the Dropkick Murphys  concert Friday night.  All he had to say it was Celtic/punk and I was in!  I had honestly never heard of them before.  Boy am I glad he called!!!

What a blast!  I wasn't sure what to expect so I planned to dress conservatively.  Normally I would don my kilt to such an event, but I had never been to Concrete Street Amphitheater before so I didn't know the layout.  I had my kilt in the car, but decided against it since it has no pockets and I failed to bring a purse.  (man-purse, by the way!  More of a leather pouch really.)  

Anyway.... John talked me into it and loaned me one of his Utilikilts (they have pockets).  Good thing too, the environment was quite conducive to kilt donning!  All standing, no nasty, wet, or dirty seats or benches to sit on.  

So I met him at his house and we gradually made our way over to Concrete Street.  As we were walking up to the ticket booth we could hear the 1st of the 2 opening bands playing.  As it turned out, the guy in the booth was an old friend of mine with whom I used to work several years ago.  Its always cool to see old friends in unexpected places.  

It wasn't too crowded.  Plenty of room to move around.  After a little grub, John and I downed our first Guinness then made our way closer to the stage.  We caught the tail end of the band and were impressed when they were breaking down their own equipment (instead of roadies).

Shortly thereafter, we bumped into a mutual friend.  That was unexpected and refreshing.  It kind of makes you think that other people have lives too!   Go figure!   haha

I even ran into another one of my coworkers from my previous job.  That was a little more of a surprise, and another one of those moments that reminds me I need to get out a little more.  Who knows, I might actually meet people!  What a concept!

Anyway...

The second band was a pleasant surprise.  Too bad I don't recall their names right now.  

Then Dropkick came out and the crowd went nuts!  I see why!  It took me a little while to warm up, but after a couple beverages and a cigar, I was warm.  John didn't need as long to start getting into the spirit of the event.   He was bouncing around to the beat long before I was done with my cigar.  

About half way through the show I finally got into it.  So much fun!  I'm not much of a dancer, but bouncing up and down is easy.  The next thing I know, my feet started kicking out as if I was dancing a reel or a jig.  I really didn't know what I was doing... other than just having a good time and dancing.  By the end of the concert John, some others, & I were swinging around each other by the elbows, kind of like the old square dances we had to learn in second grade.  

What a blast!!  Boy, am I glad he called!

Here's a taste of Dropkick Murphys.

Be well

R - E - S - P - E - C - T

I woke up with a thought this morning. Actually, I wake up with a thought every morning. But today's thought wasn't my usual "I wonder how long I can lay here before having to go to the bathroom."

This morning I was thinking about respect. So here is my question...

Would you rather be respected or liked? That is assuming you had to choose. And why do you think that?

I was ready for a lengthy discourse on the difference between the two, but as I sat down to write this post the answer(s) came to me.

So, my friends... this is a a short post. Now raise your hands and cheer like a 9th grader that found out he won't have homework for the weekend. (the sad thing is that someone will)
(that sadder thing is that I think I know who) :-)

I will let you chew on that that for a while. I'll post my answer later. I want to see if anyone thinks along the same lines as I do.

See ya soon!

Be well

Is idiocy subjective?

I recently found out that I might be an idiot. But the jury is still out on that.
Who knew?
Wait... don't answer that. :-)

I spend so much time introspecting, that apparently I don't see things around me very well. (exospecting..???) But I'm not entirely convinced. I turn the scope inward quite regularly, but I guess I am poorly adept at looking at my environs.

Here's the question..... Would you want to know if you were an idiot?
Just when I think I have a handle on things, someone comes along to tell me that I was holding the wrong handle. (sigh)

I have always done pretty well at assessing people and situations. That is, as long as I'm not in the picture. Score one for objectivity.

This issue fits in with what I call my "Frame Theory".
We go through life looking at our world through a particular framework. Things within the frame are focused and clear. This is our world. Think of this frame as our relative world. This is what is relative to us. We develop our opinions and judgements about the world within this frame. We have to. Our brain is designed to allow us to function efficiently within this frame.

As we approach the edges, things get fuzzy. The lines become blurred. Our experiences determine how broad our frame is. But when we encounter something that isn't "usual" its classified as "outside" our frame. Since it is outside our frame, we do one of two things....
try to make it fit... or disregard it. It becomes peripheral junk. Kind of like all the garbage orbiting the Earth. It there... but we don't pay much mind to it... that is until a piece of it comes hurtling toward us at 22,000 mph.

Then we have to acknowledge it. And that requires effort. That effort requires energy. That energy has to come from somewhere, therefore it is taxing on our mental resources. Follow me so far?

So.... our response to the "peripheral junk" depends entirely upon what we already have within the framework. So we consciously or unconsciously apply familiar experiences to this peripheral material. That is us trying to make things fit. When that doesn't work... meaning... when we still can't make sense of it... we discard it. But we can't always do that. So this is when we are hit with anxiety.

Now, anxiety isn't always a bad thing. It kind of forces us to deal with the offending new material. Until it gets resolved, that is, until we can make sense of it, we will continue to have anxiety about it. Anxiety can be quiet and calm, but it is merely a term to describe a sense of mental discomfort. When it becomes more serious, physical manifestations can occur.

This whole process has a name... in Social Psychology its called "Cognitive Dissonance". Everyone deals with it on a daily basis, and we make small adjustments to our frames. These adjustments are called "experience".

With all that said..... I'm at the fuzzy edge right now. I'm having to reevaluate the world just outside my frame. Damn.... and I was doing pretty well for quite a while.

As a result.... the conclusion to this exploration is as of yet undetermined.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see. :-)

Be well.

Kharma... what a wonderful bitch you are. I respect you.

Y'all ready for this?
I'm having some issues. I know I'm gonna piss some people off, but damn it to hell... I'm gonna speak my piece!
I'll begin with something on the lighter side, but it kind of sets the tone. Its actually quite funny, but you'll get the connection shortly.

One of my favorite (yes, another one. But this one is currently airing) :-) TV shows is The Big Bang Theory. There is a scene from one of the earlier episodes where Sheldon (tall guy) and Leonard (glasses) are moving a heavy box up a flight of stairs. Well, as expected, gravity plays a roll. Here.... just take a look for yourself...




Just goes to show that some laws can't be broken.
Hence, my connection to Kharma here.

There are a myriad of quotes & expressions pertaining to the universal idea of kharma; e.g.
"We reap what we sow."
"What goes around comes around."
"We reap the fruits of our labor."
"Life's a bitch, then you marry one." (kidding... just had to throw it out there)

You get the idea.

Well, I'm feeling vexed about some recent developments. This is where my tenacity for honesty gets me in trouble, which in turn, leads me question what a civilization's expectations are of its residents. Big stuff, huh? Yeah, well... check out my flow....

Ok... here's the deal.
One of my best friends had a good friend of hers in Iraq. A couple months ago my friend calls me up laughing her ass off and she wanted to share something very funny with me. So she goes on to explain that her friend in Iraq posted a picture on a myspace page... or he emailed it to her... something to that effect.... of him standing next to a local person holding a sign. They were both smiling for the camera. Now my memory is a little foggy on this detail, but the sign apparently read something to the effect of "When I'm not killing Americans I'm f&#*ing camels."
So this was deemed as hilarious by the American soldier in the picture and his buddies. Apparently so hilarious my friend had to call me right away to tell me about it.

I wasn't amused. I got mad. And my friend wasn't laughing much longer. I'm sorry about that but was it wrong NOT to laugh along. I basically told my friend how appalling that is and how UNcool it is to make a mockery of someones culture. I was pissed. I wasn't about to laugh along giving my friend the idea that it was acceptable, even funny, to do that. The Abu Ghraib prison incident comes to mind here.

A few days later my good friend called me back to say that after thinking about it she decided that it really wasn't funny after all. Ok, then... that was done.

Well, about a week ago her friends company was ambushed & he got shot up pretty bad. The story is that he took numerous bullets to the leg and torso. He was medevaced out to a hospital where the painstaking process of multiple surgeries commenced. After several surgeries he was still in critical condition. My friend called me every day or every other day with updates. All I could really tell her that each day he survives, the better the odds become for him to recover.

I don't know how to appease a person's grief. Grief is something each person has to work through. She was particularly anxious because of the worry. She didn't know if he would survive to the next day. I don't envy her pain. But there wasn't much I could do about it either.

A couple days ago she called again with another update. He died. The damage was just too extensive. He survived about a week but ultimately, the wounds took him. People were saying that the reason he survived as long as he did was because he was very healthy and fit. So he died a soldiers death. And I feel nothing for him. Of course, here someone will take my words out of context to paint me as a villian. Go ahead, if that is what you need to do to feel less guilty about something else yourself, go ahead.

Hence my state. My friend called to tell me about his death, and I offered neutral responses in return. I just can't get myself to pretend to be something I'm not, or feel something I don't. This is the part where I'm sure people are going to be mad at me. Oh well.... such is life.
After talking a while my friend said to me sarcastically, "Thanks for the support."
And I told her the truth. I never liked the guy from what she told me about him. I'm sad for her loss of a friend (Which is genuine and true. I am sad for her loss.) But I won't grieve with her, nor will I pretend to. I never knew the guy. I truly felt (feel) nothing. So I guess that makes me a real SOB.

Here is where I get to the question part.... What does a civilization expect from its residents?

Am I expected to squeeze out a couple of tears on behalf of my friend? Am I supposed to behave as though humans are a dwindling population and that's one closer to extinction?
Am I expected to focus the next week of my life on her well being?

Somebody tell me. Tell me why I should be or do something that I am not?

You know.... I may be damned for saying this, but I am convinced that other people think the same stuff but practice more social etiquette than I do, therefore won't say anything. As far as I'm concerned, those people have no balls. (figuratively speaking, of course).

We expend so much effort on coddling people and enabling their dysfunctions, that we risk damage to ourselves in the process.

With that said... there are times when people really do need that kind of support. And when it's time for that I will be there. But here is my gripe (Well, one of them)...
We have cultivated such a nurture-craving society. It starts young. A kid falls and scrapes his knee.... Mom rushes over scoops the crying kid and begins this process of ritualistic pampering. Holy Crap people... its a scrape! Or a kid complains that another kid in class is calling them names. Mom & Dad go the principal and demand that child be reprimanded or they threaten legal action. Puuhhllleeeaaaaaase. Its elementary school!

So we start the "wah" training pretty young.

But it doesn't stop there. It carries over into adulthood.
A guy isn't happy with his life. He goes to a doctor and complains about this and that. Doc says he's depressed. Guy goes to Uncle Sam and says he can't work. Uncle Sam gives him free food and a check every month. (Don't even get me started on this one.)

Now... There are many of you that don't do this. Kuddos! Keep it up. We need more people to be more abrasive. We need to teach our kids to be "tough". We need buffalo skin. I have noticed a bit of a movement toward this. This is not only a good thing, but also necessary.

But all this goes back to my friend... was I wrong? Maybe so. The point was that she needed support from me as her friend. I certainly see and understand that. Now here is another question... its a biggie...... Is it fair to expect me to be something that I'm not so I can console another?

That is where I'm vexed. I'm not minimizing my friends grief. Not at all. My contention is with the expectations placed upon me in this situation.
I had a friend once. (Yes.... just once) hehe..... anyway.... he and I were close. He was one of my best friends. After college we went separate ways. Over time I realized that he was an asshole. But my desire to have a fun friend at the time presided over my rationale. Besides, I wasn't nearly as judgemental then . If something had happened to him then, I think I would have grieved. But today is different. His wife (who was his girlfriend in college.... whom he cheated on routinely) called me (out of the blue) a couple years ago. She was setting up a surprise birthday party for him and wanted me to go. She thought it would be cool to assemble his closest college buddies for a "real" surprise. Well, it would have been that. At first I said I had a lot to do and wasn't interested. (Lie) I didn't have a lot to do. (Truth) I wasn't interested. So I used a lie to coddle her a little bit. But she persisted. Then I told her more truth.... that I really didn't care for him and would rather have no association with him ever again. She was silent. She said she had no idea. Well, of course you didn't, I said. How could she. She said it saddened her and that she was disappointed especially since we were so close in college. Yes, I know. "Were" being the operative term. But I still did some coddling anyway.... I didn't tell her that he had a separate girlfriend in college for about 2 whole years while she was still at home. (They have no clue about this blog so the secret is still safe) I realize that could have been rather damaging to their relationship, esp. so many years into their marriage. But my point here that I was so indifferent that I really didn't care either way. So I remained truthfully neutral. I didn't speak ill of him, I just said we sent separate ways and that part of my life is history.

About a year ago I got a call from him. I don't remember what prompted the call. But I got home to a message from him on my answering machine. I listened to it about 4 or 5 times trying to listen to his voice... things in the background.... clues as to where he was. Was he visiting his parents in Portland and that is why he called, or was it just random.... that sort of thing. I listened to it again before deleting it. I never considered calling him.

So what's the point to all this? Well, I avoided a whole lot awkward discomfort by never calling. I think that I was expected to at least call. I think that social convention here would dictate to reciprocate the call and say "hi"... or whatever. It would be "courteous & considerate". OK... courteous and considerate to what...??? I ask. Toward my old college friend? But I no longer care for him, so why should I be courteous and considerate? I am completely indifferent.

If I had called, I would have had to be honest and just say, "I have no feelings for you so I want nothing to do with you." Because I refuse to reinforce what I consider a flawed social convention in the first place.

So going back to my friend who is grieving the loss of a friend, what would you do? What do our mores dictate is appropriate here?

I am sad for my friend's pain. But I am not sad for her friend. I feel for the soldiers around him. I know the soldiers bond is unique and tight. I respect the person who fights for what he believes. So I am sad for his comrades. I may have never been a soldier, but I am a product of a soldier's family. (Check out my blog posts from July 2008.) So I understand a little.

This stretch of road is a little bumpier on this journey of mine. I really am not surprised why I spend most of my evenings & weekends alone. I am a rather disagreeable person. Very few people "get" me. And because I refuse to play along with the social games, I don't really fit in with the common culture. This helps explain why I'm 40 and have never been married. If I give my friends this hard of a time, can you imagine what my wife would have to put up with?
No thanks... I might be a decent fellow overall, but I wouldn 't marry me.

Stay safe & be well!